crying it out

I really hate making my babies cry it out. I guess I am more of a Dr. Sears follower than other methods out there. I feel like I am breaking their poor spirit when I let them "cry it out". Hannah was asleep, then awake, then asleep, then wakened, and then crying. I had to let her cry it out because James couldn't be alone any longer. So she is screaming her head off, then quiet. I think wow she actually went to sleep. I went in and checked on her and she is just lying there with this sad look on her face. So I cuddled her for the longest time giving her lots of kisses because I felt soooo bad. I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking of her sad little face. Its like "mom, I was crying why were you not there for me?"

I really hated it when people used to tell me about self soothing with James. Its like he is a baby and I am his mom. My job is too sooth him. If he is doing my job what should I be doing?

I know that there have been plenty of times where Hannah had to cry because James needed my attention and vice versa and there will be plenty more but it is still hard on them and me.

Life as a single parent 1/2 the days of the month I guess.