Rug Doctor

I have been wanting my carpets cleaned for a long while. My personal carpet shampooer is broken. I wanted to hire someone to come in and do it, but I never found such a person. I kept forgetting to look up someone.

Once I want to do something and it's in my brain I will be forgetful for a while then I just want it done. While sitting in the waiting room for my ct scan I was watching the today show. They said the rug doctor that you can rent from a grocery store works really good. So I had to weigh the time it would take me to do it myself vs. the ease of having someone else do it against money spent. You know the ol' time vs money issue.

Well today I finally got sick enough of my carpet I went out and rented one. The living room is clean. The kids rooms are after the living room dries. I had to "wear" Caroline for 1/2 of the living room, she actually fell asleep over the noise. Thank goodness because my back was screaming.

Now I am happier about getting out the Christmas decorations.

Is it December Yet?

I did this whole "post everyday" thing with good intentions. Yet it turns out it is making me resent my blog. Not the same effect it had last year. I should have left it alone.


We keep having a recurring conversation in this house. You know the one about how I don't have any energy? Same can be said here. I don't have much energy to put into my postings.


Waaa waaa.


I try really hard each morning before I get out of bed to make the day a positive one. Some days I can make it work. Some days I can't. I bet when I sleep a whole night through again my days will become more positive.


I am picturing Donkey from "Shrek" right now signing I am all alone. I don't know why.

The lost me

I used to be on the ball. For most things I would say. Now I forget most things and feel flustered most of my days. I have been losing things lately. I think one of the biggest things lost would be me.

One of Jerry's aunts asked me if I was already done Christmas shopping. I almost died laughing. Now the old me, that could have been a possibility. The new me, the one with 3 kids, no way. My wheels have been spinning since April.

I can't get anything cleaned up. And as soon as I do, it's ruined with in minutes. I think I might have thought I was invincible, now I know I am not. I am the barely showered frazzled scream at your kids mom you see everywhere. I am sure one day I will find myself again. But for now, we are just surviving.

Here I sit

The kids are in the shower. Caroline is practicing siting in her crib. I have a moment for the first time today to "computer". It was a interesting idea to participate in NaBloPoMo. I am committed. But I must have forgotten how much less I am online. Caroline sleeps in here now. I guess I will have to save my pennies for a lap top or something.

glass 1/2 ...

In the spirit of trying to blog again. I will give you two posts in one day.

Most of my ingenious posts come to me while nursing. I think when I nurse. Especially at night when it is quiet. If I have been woken up I will just try to remain asleep and not think about anything.

I was thinking about something someone else had written today in an email. It was one of those questionnaires that you fill out and forward to all you friends. On of the questions was are you a glass 1/2 full or empty person.

I got to thinking about this. Deep in my heart I wish I could say full. But I might lean towards empty most of the time.

Why?

I have a beautiful family, a husband who I love and is good to me, a home, a secure job for him, and our health. Why am I perturbed most of the time? Can this feeling be contagious?

I think back to the trials of the last few years. One of the major obstacles for our family has been Jerry's injury. Did it change our outlook on life? Did we or me become pessimistic after it? It totally stinks but we are still battling the workman's comp and the Drs and the adjusters for treatment. Jerry doesn't think he can snowboard, wakeboard, golf, work out, etc. anymore.

Or is it that I have my hands full? Three kids 4 and under, not really easy street. But, when I look at them with a conscious attitude they take my breath away. They are amazing kids. We are blessed to have them. Time management and battles over toys are just part of the game. But do these daily battles take so much out of me that I am a crab?

Could it be something I was raised with. Maybe part of my personality or my sign? What really makes you a positive person verses a negative one?

The Good the Bad & the Ugly

That was July for me. There was lots of good and some bad. Overall the month was ugly. I got too tired and too stressed out. I forgot to just let most of the small stuff go. So it built up and kicked me in the butt. August is going to be better. Jerry is going to work less. We both agree to his schedule before he makes it. So I knew what I was getting into before I did it. What I didn't anticipate was how difficult it would really be.



I am going share our calendar with you. Because pictures say it better than words. The light blue days are the days Jerry was at work.

I can't complain that he was working. Because we are fortunate in these times he has a good job and has the ability to work over time. This is more for the look back and remember file than the complaint file.

Mommy Karma

I don't think I ever was bold enough to say what I would and wouldn't do with my kids when I had them. However I have judged silently some moms in public. I mean it's kind of easy to pass judgement on others when you are so perfect.

I don't know if it's the fact I have three kids now, or they just seem to be testing me more lately, or that I am completely out of energy, but my mommy karma is coming back to kick me in the butt.

At the beach in Carlsbad Caroline wasn't the happiest. She doesn't really like being outside in the bright light. So I decided to leave a little earlier than the rest of the crew and go start dinner and get the kids cleaned up. James had other plans. He was playing his heart out. I loved watching him have such a good time but in the interest of my plan he had to leave the beach. Well, we will just say he pitched a fit. A big enough commotion for strangers to comment. That's just embarrassing. I could only threaten a miserable life and try to get him to work with me. Needless to say it was ugly.

Today we adventured to Costco. It has been awhile, and since I can't seem to get the schedule worked out so that hubs can be home and share in this errand, I toughed it out and went by myself with the 3 kiddos. I wear Caroline in her Moby Wrap and since it is a double cart I usually push both the kids in the cart. This is fairly manageable. Today James wanted to walk, so I gave an inch and let him walk. Also Caroline wanted to look out. So I had to fiddle with her a bunch and hold her with one hand before she was settled and somewhat happy. So between James running around using his outside voice, Caroline complaining about the view, and trying to concentrate on what exactly I needed at Costco, I gave up.

Jerry and I have been at a grocery store and laughed (a tiny laugh) at a mom who had clearly given up. Her kids were in the way, running a muck, and she just shopped along minding her own business. I wish I could say at that point in time I didn't declare that would "never be me." But I think I might have.

31

Happy birthday to me. Birthdays are funny to me. As I get older they are not really that big of a deal. I remember being in Lemoore for the fair before I started student teaching and it was my birthday. I didn't tell anyone. I don't like the attention.

Last year was the big 30 and I had a great time. A wedding, wine tasting and a trip away from the kids.

This year my birthday fell on the last day of a 96. That means, Jerry has been working 4 days in a row. That means I have been home alone with the 3 kids for 96 hours. This means I was completely by myself all day on my birthday. James kept asking me when the party was starting. I kept telling him, there is no party, when you have had lots of birthdays like me sometimes you don't need a party. He went to bed upset that I didn't blow out any candles. I am going to bed looking forward to my best friend coming home tomorrow. I really don't care about the birthday stuff, it just compounds the loneliness of 96 hours.

The good

Jerry has been working overtime again. This is good for us and we are fortunate to have this opportunity giving today's current economy. However it does leave me with two kids and a pregnant belly by myself.

Here are all the positives of Jerry working and me being home alone.

1. I don't have to cook dinner as much and grocery bill is going down.

2. I can pile the unfolded clothes on his side of the bed in procrastination.

3. I don't have to shower as much.

4. I have full control of the remote.

5. I can get on the computer without having to wait for my turn.

6. No one notices how many times I actually run to Target.

7. I am the big boss full time. We all know I don't like being told what to do.

8. I can stay up too late reading.

9. I don't have to do as many dishes.

10. No one is eating my chocolate stash.

All kidding put aside. I do miss him like crazy when he is gone. The kids miss him even more. Today is the last day in a 3 day in a row shift and I can't wait for him to come home.

Look what I have gotten myself into now

First came Lou

Then came James






Then came Hannah







Now we meet Chip

We are rescuing Chip. He was left in the woods and is very skittish. He seems to be a very nice dog. But for now he is roaming freely in the back yard and is getting used to us. Wish me luck with my own version of being the dog whisperer.

Secret life of a Mom's emotions

For what ever reason TV has been a bit emoitonal for me lately. Especially Oprah's Big Give and The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom. The Big Give was touching and the Soccer Mom was confusing. ABC and TLC. I think the Big Give was supposed to make you cry but Soccer Mom really made me confused. I was happy for the stay at home mom to get a chance at a career she had given up, but when she had to choose between her new career and her old stay at home life, I was bothered. I know too many moms who would give anything to be at home, and I get to be at home. I have always thought it to be a luxury, even with my cercumstances of being by myself for 24 hr + shifts. I guess there is a part of all moms who want more for themselves. But if you don't have too work, finacialy would you really trade being away from your kids? I guess this is why they make these shows, to make us think. I think that we as moms would always choose a better life for our children even if it means sacrafices such as working for insurance, or homes, or us giving up a career to be there to raise our children we always choose our children first, right? This is why we become moms, to raise children and give them the best lives we posibly can. To stay sane we have hobbies and take time for ourselves when we can, as stay at home moms. When we work, we ask our spouses to give what they can and we pioritze what really maters in our day. My question is how do we find that that line of balance for better mom life = better kids life and how do we strike balance?

Brought to you in stereo

Oh ya. Two babies screaming for one Mommy. This is my life.

James no longer gets milk when we put him to sleep. He brushes his teeth and goes to bed, end of story. Its been working fine, great actually. When its just me, he and I have a deal that I will nurse Hannah then come back and give him extra cuddles and kisses. He usually falls asleep before I am done putting Hannah to sleep. I get to listen to him sing and talk while he works on going to sleep all on his own. Tonight, not such a smooth transition to sleep for anybody.

Hannah had a brief but late nap. So she wanted to leisurely nurse the night away. James wanted apple juice and started out whining about it then moved to a full on cry/scream for it mode. So I unlatched the girl and went to calm brother down because there was no way Hannah was sleeping with the racket next door. Wouldn't you know she didn't like that. Nor did James like my offering of a water bottle. He started gagging on his spit and I thought for sure we were going to get thrown up on. So I begged him to calm down. I said I would be back after getting the screaming Hannah to sleep. All the while thinking sure would be nice to have a husband at home during this bed time ritual.

Thankfully they are both asleep now. So I get to eat a little chocolate Ice cream and blog. Only one more day of a 72hr shift left for me to be by myself. I plan on running away when Hannah is weaned. I am thinking Napa - wine & spa. Ha!